Life As You Wish

Celebrate every day

2009-03-31T15:37:00.002-05:00

For a dog, every morning is Christmas morning. Every walk is the best walk, every meal is the best meal, every game is the best game. We can learn so much by observing the way our pets rejoice in life's simplest moments. Take time everyday to celebrate the many gifts that are hidden in the ordinary events of your own life.

That is the last entry in this series from Cesar Milan. I hope you enjoyed these pearls of wisdom as much as I did. This last entry is so very, very true!
My own dog is the epitome of this thinking - he is excited for each walk, hike, car ride, meal, person coming to the door etc. He seems to have unending joy! I do feel that it helps me to feel joyous more than I normally would!

Live with purpose

2009-03-24T10:54:00.002-05:00

When dogs are bored, they develop issues ranging from anxiety to aggression. But when given a job and a way to contribute to the pack's well-being, they turn around almost immediately. All animals - including humans-have an inborn need to work for food and water. Ask yourself how you can contribute more to your job, your family, and the world around you. you'll feel much better about yourself if you earn your food and water, too.

From Cesar Millan, "What Your Pet Can Teach You"

Don't hold grudges

2009-03-18T14:58:00.002-05:00

There's a remarkable lack of conflict in dog packs. that's because members resolve the situation when disagreements arise, then move on. Imagine what our world would be like if we dealt with our conflicts before they escalated out of control. Holding onto negative feelings tends to make them multiply and prevent us from moving forward.

(Excerpt from What your pet teach you by Cesar Millan)

Learn to Listen

2009-03-16T13:13:00.002-05:00

Make the time to lend an ear to those you love or those who want to transform their lives. But don't try to fix their problems, and don't take their problems personally, either. A great leader is also a great follower and knows that everybody counts.

Continued from What your pet can teach you by Cesar Millan

Be direct and consistent in your communication

2009-03-09T13:59:00.003-05:00

Many of my clients only intermittently enforce rules, leaving their pets confused about what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Great relationships, no matter the species, begin with clear and consistent communication. This is a lesson we should carry into other areas of our lives - with our family, our friends, and at work. Remember: We teach people how to treat us.

(This is another section from the, "What your pet can teach you" article by Cesar Millan and published in Parade magazine)

Day 3 What your pet can teach you

2009-03-03T17:15:00.002-05:00

Trust your instincts
Animals don't care about your words. They recognize that what's really going on in any interaction is beneath the surface. Many of us have lost touch with this all-important instinctual part of our natures. By paying attention to nonverbal cues such as body language and energy, we can lean more about our friends, our loved ones, and ourselves.

Day 2 what your pet can teach you

2009-02-27T14:35:00.002-05:00

"Nurture a balanced life"
Cesar Milan tells his clients to follow this simple rule with their dogs: Offer exercise, discipline, and affection every day. Do the same for yourself. We humans are happier if our routines include physical activity, a sense of structure, and the opportunity to give and receive love on a daily basis.

What your pet can teach you

2009-02-23T12:43:00.002-05:00

this was in Parade magazine a while back and every time I look at it I love it so I thought I would share it with you now. It was written by Cesar Milan. It is too long for one post so I will do a bit a day. Enjoy!

"Live in the Moment"
People often wonder how I get such quick results with the dogs I rehabilitate. The answer is simple: Dogs live in the moment. They don't regret the past or worry about the future. If we can learn to appreciate and focus on what's happening in the here and now, we'll experience a richness of living that other members of the animal kingdom enjoy.

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-27T15:49:00.002-05:00

I imagined that I would have written this post earlier today - but I couldn't seem to find the right theme. We are wrapped in an international recession, wars are ongoing, just yesterday was the bombing in Mumbai, and violent crime seems to be rising in the US after many years of decline. Certainly there is a lot of turmoil in the world and many, many families are trying to figure out how they will make ends meet with the breadwinner(s) out of work or on reduced hours.
But today is Thanksgiving, a day to give thanks.
Not the day before the busiest shopping day.
Or the day to celebrate gluttony - although most of us will.
Set aside by President George Washington in 1789, it is a day to give thanks.
What will you give thanks for?
I am thankful for the food, and for my family and friends and my crazy mutt.
I am thankful for my health, even if I have to admit that I can feel age creeping in.
Mostly right now I am thankful for the ability to step back and see all the things I have in my life I am thankful for.
I know individuals that just can't do that - or if they do it is only in passing, there is no emotion behind it.
It is easy to get caught up in the superficial or to harp on the negatives. You must choose to see the positives. For example, my Aunt has been battling cancer for years, the disease seems to be winning these days. I am thankful that she is enjoying another Thanksgiving with her family.

Try to find some things you really feel thankful for and add it to your standard blessings. And keep this feeling of thankfulness with you everyday. You will be happier and life will seem better.
I know that some of you may be in very difficult places today, physically and/or emotionally, but I know that you will feel thankful today.
I hope that you can feel thankful everyday.

wasting time?

2008-11-14T15:22:00.002-05:00

I was thinking earlier how we all waste time throughout our days and ultimately our lives. You are probably thinking I am going to talk about procrastination nah we all know that one. The one that I am thinking about today is 'being consumed with things we cannot change and that often are in the past.'
For example, I can't help but notice how many people are still sending me hateful emails about Barack Obama and writing letters to the newspaper blaming the media for his win. Move on folks, the election is over. Do something productive with your time and emotional energy.
And it isn't just this election people are ruminating about, how often do you get into a conversation with someone who is still worked up about a past event? Just the other day I was talking to someone who was in a miserable mood and it turned out it was related to something that had happened 2 days prior. There was no way this person could move forward, be productive, feel happy, appreciate the sunshine etc because they were still so caught up in this previous event.
I walked away thinking how sad it was that they had lost two days over nothing really.
So the next time you find yourself dwelling on the past - snap out of it!! You might even snap your fingers or clap your hands as a trigger to move on. Then find something positive or productive to think about - save your emotional energy for moving forward not ruminating on the past.
Good luck

Time for a change

2008-11-07T15:05:00.002-05:00

Well hopefully. I hadn't been posting because there just wasn't much activity but suddenly I see that Life As You Wish has visitors so.......... I promise to post more regularly again.
Looking at the last post I had about Tim Russert, I can't help but wonder what he would be thinking about the changes for our county that lie ahead. I imagine that he would be very excited and tremendously helpful for us lay people that could use a hand making sense of all that is going on.
But alas, he is gone and others are trying to fill the void. I personally have decided to pick up the slack for myself and educate myself. It is an ongoing process but I have enjoyed it so far.
I cannot pretend that I am not excited by the fact that Americans have selected Obama. He certainly seems to offer a very different style than I have witnessed in my lifetime. And yes he is black and it is a great triumph for black Americans. For me it is such a relief that we may indeed be moving past the intense racism that has gripped our country. There are things that happen everyday that are still just appalling racism. And yes I understand that sexism and various other prejudices remain powerful barriers, but we are getting there. I hope.
So if he wasn't your choice for President, please at least step back and take note of this historic moment.

The US administration has changed, the world's attitude toward Americans has changed and I'll do my part and change too.
How about you?
What are you going to change?

Thinking about Tim Russert

2008-06-18T15:20:00.004-05:00

Just about everyone in the US will know that Tim Russert the political journalist died suddenly last week. I always enjoyed Tim's show, even though I am not an overly political person. But when Tim would start talking about the latest goings on I found myself captivated.
I never really stopped to think about why that would happen each and every time regardless that the content was usually something I'd skim in the newspaper. Until now.
Like so many others I feel like someone close to me has passed. I am not 'into' celebrity so this is unusual. When someone famous passes I usually think about their contribution to society but from afar. This feels closer.
So what is it all about?
I believe in reading several obituaries/articles on him that the reason it feels closer is because he was so human and self-effacing. He always came across as grateful to have the task of covering the stories he was discussing. He had an ever present fascination with the subject area that was infectious. He seemed to have a friendship with all the other broadcasters and I think it was easy to get sucked into that friendliness.
How in the world did he make ME interested and at times darn near fascinated with politics? This part is easy - he loved it and was so passionate about it, that energy would grab a hold of his audience and keep us.
Tim Russert loved his life - he loved his job, his son was interviewed and you could see that family was of the utmost importance too.
Tim Russert was a lucky man. He knew it.
We were lucky to have had him sorting out the political quagmire all these years and helping us all understand and be interested.
Godspeed, Tim.
You have been a great teacher for so many of us and you have clearly been a great son, father, husband and friend!

Just some thoughts

2008-06-06T19:37:00.003-05:00

I've been reconnecting with my past over the last month or so and have found it an emotional time.
When we hear someone say it's an emotional time we automatically think that the person is going through tough times or sad times. But that is not always the case.
In my case it is a bit of a tough time but in many ways it isn't a sad time, although I will say in some ways it is.
Anyhow I'm really writing tonight to encourage those of you who may have lost some relationships along your journey in life, through neglect or because differences arose, to re-engage with those people - especially the ones that were or are important to you.
In the majority of cases those differences are long gotten over, if not forgotten and I have yet to know an occasion where friendship that had gotten a little remote wasn't rekindled through a small effort.
Many years ago - yea I am getting that old that I can say things like that - I had little in the way of material goods or wealth but I could say easily that I was rich in friendships/relationships.
I am not wealthy now but I have more than some - a few years back I had a lot more than some but I had less of what is important to me - good people.
I made a concerted effort to get people back into my life in the way I want people in my life.
It is very worth it - once again I have great friendships and my family connection is stronger than it has been in a long, long time.
So you can't go back and fix things
BUT you can start doing things to restart your connections
Don't wait any longer
Time is a wasting

Take strength from your focus

2008-05-08T14:02:00.003-05:00

Ok so you're thinking that you have often heard that strength begets focus but the opposite is true too. Think about it, aimlessness doesn't accomplish much. When we don't accomplish much we don't feel very industrious and being industrious gives us a sense of worth. Humans need to feel purposeful. They need to achieve things.
To achieve things they need to have energy and focus and forward motion.
Without focus, knowing which way to go is difficult.
Ambivilence can be debilitating.

So care about something and use that energy as a motivator

The Daffodil Principle

2008-04-28T18:07:00.000-05:00

The Daffodil Principle

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, 'Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over.''

I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna toLakeArrowhead. 'I will come next Tuesday', I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house,I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.

'Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!'

My daughter smiled calmly and said, ' We drive in this all the time, Mother.'

'Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!' I assured her.
'But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks,' Carolyn said. 'I'll drive. I'm used to this.'

'Carolyn,' I said sternly, 'Please turn around.'

'It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.'

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, 'DaffodilGarden.'

W e got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.

It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

'Who did this?' I asked Carolyn.

'Just one woman,' Carolyn answered. 'She lives on the property. That's her home.' Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.

On the patio, we saw a poster. 'Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking', was the headline.

The first answer was a simple one. '50,000 bulbs,' it read.

The second answer was, 'One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain.'

The third answer was, 'Began in 1958.'

For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.

One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.

That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time, often just one baby-step at a time and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world

'It makes me sad in a way,' I admitted to Carolyn. ' What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? 'Just think what I might have been able to achieve!'

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. 'Start tomorrow,' she said.

She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, 'How can I put this to use today?'

Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....

Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die...

There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching.

If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone special. I just did!

Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day!

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Do you remember when?

2008-04-23T13:18:00.002-05:00

Do you remember a time when everything seemed to be going just as you hoped? When nothing could get you down? May be you thought to yourself that this is what everyday should feel like?
We all have moments in life when we feel our best, but most people don't utilize them. Learning from and building on these times will help you create magic moments on a daily basis for the rest of your life.
One of the ways I like to 'use' these special moments is when I am feeling down or weak. It is then that I like to recall one of those powerful, 'I can take on the world' moments. This can really help to pick up your mood/spirit and increase your personal sense of power.
It is good to practice calling up this feeling by using imagery.
So think of a time that you felt on top of the world and really, really focus on how you felt. Allow yourself to feel that moment(or time) all over again. The key is that your body is feeling this power not just your brain thinking about it. With practice you will be able to summon this feeling and use it when you need it.
Good luck!

What are you doing with the extra daylight?

2008-04-17T10:14:00.003-05:00

I don't know about you but the extra light in the morning and especially in the evening is very obvious now. What are you doing with these extra hours of daytime?
I find that I am much more motivated after dinner than during the dark months, in fact I notice that dinner is later than it was too.
Many people set health and fitness goals at the New Year but have long lost the motivation and desire to attain them. Heck they've probably forgotten that they made them in the first place.
Now is the time to review those goals or to make new ones. What a great stress reliever to come home from work on a sunny evening and take a walk, the temperature is warm but cool enough to be super comfortable.
Play nine holes of golf with a friend and some tennis.
May be you love to garden, well get out there and trim some hedges or clean up the flower or vegetable beds, plant some pansies. Take full advantage of spring, which is such a wonderful time for gardeners!
The message I am sending is get outside and be active.
Set some fitness goals so that you are happy to don the swimsuit come summer.
Get your garden going so that you can enjoy homegrown tomatoes or fresh cut flowers in a few months time.
Do something that you enjoy and feel your stress levels reduce.
Be active and see your waistline reduce!

Organizing your life - just get started!

2008-04-03T10:54:00.004-05:00

I'm having one of those days - you know when you feel very scattered and don't know where to start. So I thought I'd talk my way through getting organized.
First stop setting things aside. Just do them. If you haven't read that article you set aside last week yet you probably aren't going to do it. Bin it.
Normally I talk about prioritizing but sometimes you really just have to start with the top of the pile and work your way down.
You might even sort through the pile and make an immediate 'to do' pile and an 'other' pile.
It just becomes important to get to work!
So looking at this busy desk of mine, with stickie notes everywhere, phone calls to make and emails to respond to, I'm off!

I'll be back when my desk is under control :-)

SPCA Walk Help us out!

2008-04-01T13:54:00.004-05:00

Hi all, about two and bit years ago my life changed when I adopted the world's greatest dog (oh yea I'm biased!) from our local SPCA. Since then I have become more aware of what they do and how well they do it. Each year we have participated in their dog walk and raised money for them. Each year we have tried to raise more than the last.
So as the walk approaches (4/19) I am upping my begging.
This non-profit has received the highest rating by CharityNavigator.org so you can rest assured that your money goes directly to the animals. Thousands of homeless animals!
Please every dollar counts please consider a small donation to our favorite cause.
Go here and to make a gift LINK

As of today they have raised over $33,000
Here is a link to the best run non-profit you could come across.
SPCA of Wake County
Take a bit of time and peruse the information and good work they are doing.

What does Spring mean to you?

2008-03-29T14:10:00.003-05:00

For me Spring is the absolute best time of year. Despite my allergies!
It's the time of year that feels energizing. The outside world is more colorful, the birds are chirping, mating and nesting, the nights are brighter. It is the time of year that feels energized. The tulips and daffodils are pushing their way through the soil, seeds are germinating. It's alive!!!
Do you feel it? Are you looking at the life around you?
People make resolutions at New Year's and then struggle as the earth slumbers to stay motivated. If you haven't kept those resolutions modify them and restart now that the earth is awakening with you. I guarantee that it is easier to make changes in a season of change than it is to make change when the earth is dormant.
Take advantage of this renewal and energy around you and use it to reach your goals!
Goodness I love Spring!

Have you made a life list?

2008-03-11T20:17:00.004-05:00

The idea is simple - write down your major life goals, dreams, desires, intentions, etc. (whichever word works for you) and in the process, motivate yourself to achieve them.
This isn't a to-do list it's a wish list.
An article in Body & Soul says there are five immutable laws of life lists.

Think like a 7 year old (be uninhibited)
When the List feels done, keep going ( shoot for 100 items in 30 minutes)
Climb out of your sinkhole (when your down start writing about something you're NOT doing that could make you happy - commit to bringing it to reality)
Cast a wide net (share it with safe companions - or anonymously at 43things.com,your100things.com or 2dobeforeIdie.com) PS I have no affiliation with any of these
Break it into pieces (change it, separate into 5 year or 1 year, pick one big picture goal and make a small step to achieving it)

So set aside a half hour and get writing!

Your Life's Purpose

2008-03-05T10:59:00.002-05:00

So did you tune in to Oprah and Eckhart's webinar? I did, but I had some streaming problems so I downloaded it and have watched about half of it. If you had streaming problems (they've been documented) go to her website and you will have the option of downloading the podcast with video (iPod only) or the MP3 audio file (or listen through the site or read the transcript)
I found it interesting that Oprah seemed nervous. Heck if it can happen to her than no wonder we mere mortals get nervous for new things!

On to the important stuff did you hear Eckhart say,

"ask life what it's purpose for you is"?

He encouraged you to "invite stillness", that is when you will discover what life's purpose is for you.

So how does one invite stillness?

Oprah and Eckhart Tolle

2008-02-27T11:57:00.002-05:00

If you have not seen this yet here it is LINK
There is a relatively new book out by Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and Stillness Speaks, called A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
The reviews have been very good and Oprah has decided to run a 10 week webinar open to all with Eckhart. It starts Monday. I decided that it would be a really good thing to experience and I imagine many people will be discussing this at the water cooler on Tuesday mornings.
So get your book, sign up for Oprah's webinar and get started.
There is a small piece of software they want you to install with a browser - I used IE7 and the install was quick and easy. It says it works with Firefox too, I will install it there later. They also have already sent along a link for a workbook for chapter 1. This seems like it could be very interesting.
My goal is to post here on Tuesday's about the previous night's session, so if you decide to do the webinar stop by and join in the conversation.

To make my personal experience even better my sister has decided to do it so we are in a class together for the first time ever - how cool is that?

Don't complain, negotiate!

2008-02-23T11:20:00.003-05:00

All too often when we are dissatisfied with something we tend to complain about it - usually to someone that has no power to help us be more satisfied. They may commiserate with you but they can't fix it.
Why not negotiate with the person who is in a position to make changes that will increase your satisfaction?
Negotiate; to deal or bargain with another or others, as in the preparation of a treaty or contract or in preliminaries to a business deal. Dictionary.com
Negotiation does take more energy and successful negotiation takes some planning but it has great potential to bring about real satisfaction as opposed to complaining.
Plus you can still complain in the short term for the feel good that provides : - )

So the next time you are feeling frustrated with someone either personally or professionally negotiate in order to reach a long term solution.

Carolina Life Coaching in the news in 2008!

2008-02-22T11:19:00.005-05:00

Its been a very good few months for Raleigh Life Coach Karen Lee. 2008 started with a little stint on the local news channel talking about resolutions and in February Karen helped out on a few human interest stories for the News & Observer newspaper by providing tips for Return to Learn students and for families of handicapped adult children.

Here are the links to the press releases and stories:
News 14 Carolina story and press release

News & Observer articles for Return to Learn students and for families with handicapped or disabled adults

and the press release that followed.

For more information about Carolina Life Coaching checkout their website or contact Karen Lee at (919) 371-2477 or email Karen Lee

Measuring happiness

2008-02-21T13:24:00.002-05:00

Since we are on the subject along with so much of the media I thought I would just provide some links to happiness scales. I'm not promoting or vouching for any of them, just finding and posting for anyone who wants to try one or more.

From Speaking of Women's Health
Relationship Happiness Scale
and one about your job (this one is VERY brief!)
and a whole website from University of Penn dedicated to happiness

Have fun!

Pursuit of happiness

2008-02-18T16:19:00.002-05:00

This whole concept remains the buzz word for 2008 thus far - there was a feature on the Sunday Morning Show (CBS), more articles in the magazines from Time and Newsweek to Oprah and Good Housekeeping, even snippets in the local newspaper and TV news.
We (Americans) feel that it is our domain I mean we have it written into the core of our beliefs 'the pursuit of happiness'.
Well guess what? We (the US) came in 23rd in a study on the happiest countries, Bhutan was 8th, Denmark was first.
So are our expectations unrealistic? Do we believe that happiness should fall down upon us in whatever form it takes for each individual? How would you know if you are happy? What does it feel like to be happy?
I can't help but wonder why this is all the buzz right now. I'm intrigued by that and intrigued as to how people define happiness.
So on this blog it will be a buzzword for a while!
So tell me are you happy?

Law of Attraction again

2008-02-12T12:16:00.000-05:00

My last post Stinking Thinking talked about negative thoughts and how we can easily focus on the negative when there is plenty of positive around us. As a dog owner I certainly understand how sometimes it can seem a hassle. For instance on Sunday morning we awoke to a rancid smell in the house and found that our dog had had diarrhea overnight. So Sunday morning was one of those moments when your thinking why did I get this thing I need to clean up after. Then as I was finishing up he came in and was licking my arm and nudging me. He had felt terrible earlier and seemed ashamed, now he realized it was all gone and no one was mad at him. He seemed to be saying thanks. He's a loving creature and was offering some love. That's why he's a wonderful part of my life.

Oops lost topic there - Law of Attraction. Most of you have heard of this by now or know the concept. If you start wanting, wishing and believing in something it will come to you or it will happen.
When you are down in the dumps that can be a hard sell. But there is a reason why it works for many of us. It works because once you have a clear focus you start doing things and thinking things that bring the desired 'something' to you. One of the most important steps is to really really believe it can be done. If you don't really believe, well it ain't going to happen.
Personally I think the single most important first step is to write it down and post is somewhere that you can see it. Look at it everyday, multiple times. Put it on your bathroom mirror so you see it as you brush your hair and teeth. Read it.
The more you do this the more you will believe it. You will find that some of the things you do begin to be driven by your ultimate goal - you know the one on the paper on the mirror.
So think of something you want. Write it down and get in on the mirror today.

Stinking thinking!

2008-02-04T15:27:00.000-05:00

This is from another coach called Jon Gordon:

What can a little 3 month old puppy teach me about the keys to happiness and success? Everything!

I remember two years ago when I was about to take our new puppy Dharma for a walk I stood outside the door with a leash in one hand and a plastic bag in the other and I thought to myself, "Great, I'm going to be picking up dog poop every day for about the next 13 years." I even did the math and counted 3 poops a day times 365 days times 13 years. Then I realized how negative that was and knew I needed to change my thinking. So I then thought, "But think of all the joy she brings and will bring to my children, my wife, and me. The love and joy is clearly worth all that POOP." Immediately after thinking this positive thought I started to feel pepped while the negative thoughts made me feel bad. So the lesson I learned and want to share with you is don't let poop... get you pooped. :) Instead change your thinking, shift your perception and get pepped!

Every moment of every day we have a choice to think positive thoughts that make us feel good or negative thoughts that make us feel bad. Positive thoughts strengthen us while negative thoughts weaken us. There's even scientific evidence that shows that you are physically stronger while thinking positive thoughts versus negative thoughts. We also know that positive thoughts enhance health, happiness and longevity. When we start paying attention to how we feel in response to our thoughts we'll notice that our emotions are signals that alert us to how we are thinking. Good thoughts lead to good feelings and negative thoughts lead to bad feelings.

The key is to start paying attention to your feelings and thoughts and when you are feeling bad, switch to a thought that feels good. And if you are unsure of as to what positive thoughts you should be thinking, all you have to remember is gratitude and appreciation. Being grateful and appreciative will always make you feel pepped. You may not like your job but you can be thankful you have one. You may have to drive in traffic but thank God you can see while others can't. And while your life may not be where you want it to be you can choose to believe that the future is bright and great things are happening every day. Your thoughts and perception will determine your reality. Try the following action steps this week to be pepped instead of pooped.

Action Steps

1. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side make a list of your common negative thoughts.

2. Now, change your perception and replace your negative thought with a positive thought. Write these down on the right side of the paper.

3. This week pay attention to your thoughts and feelings and choose the thoughts that make you feel pepped instead of pooped.

Review your priorities

2008-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

I'm wondering how many of you find yourself feeling less successful or unfilled then those around you see you as? May be you are in a "good" job, have a family, nice home, etc.
But you feel empty. Or frustrated. Or that you are spinning your wheels.
One thing you might do to help gain clarity is review your priorities.
What is most important to you? Is it treated as the most important thing in your life?
What are your core values and are you living them?
Ideally you can come up with the things in life that are most important to you. Once you do step back and look at how you are living your life. Are your actions supporting your values/priorities?

If they are that is wonderful - I imagine that you feel quite happy in life.
If they don't then start with one area and match your actions to your beliefs. You will definitely feel more content and pleased. When our actions/accomplishments support our values and beliefs there is peace and contentedness in our souls.
So consider your beliefs and then get moving towards supporting them!

when opportunity knocks

2008-01-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

What do you do?
What is your response?
Too busy, bad time, can we delay this, not worth it, etc.
I have seen this over and over and also been guilty of it myself. Sometimes the comfortable place we are in is way too comfy. Even if this comfy place isn't what we really want.
Strange isn't it. Instead of taking on something that is new and different and may be even something we have longed for we say no, because its easier.

Humans are a bit silly sometimes ay?

I have recently had opportunity knock and I'm going for it. I'm insanely busy and not overly organized at the moment but I'm moving forward. Because you just don't know when opportunity will knock again - if at all.

Now I'm sure some of you out there are saying I don't need you to tell me to go for it. Good! Then keep on keepin' on.
The rest of you keep your eyes and ears open, opportunity will knock and when it does take the leap!

The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky

2008-01-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

There can be no doubt that 'happiness' is the current hot buzzword. Everywhere you turn there is someone talking about happiness; what it means, how to get it, and how to spread it.
Hey I've been in on it too.
Now comes this book on the heels of a scientific study. Apparently 40% of our happiness is within our control. This feels more comfortable than those people that imply it is 100% in our control - we all know not everything is under our control.
This book looks as specific ways in which you can increase your happiness. I know this is the sort of thing you read in lots of places. What makes this different is that it studied what happened to people that did these things. Lo and behold people that performed the 'activities' reported "significantly bigger" increases in their happiness levels.
I'll be back once I've read it with more specific feedback from the book.
If you read it first come back and post some comments for others to benefit from - I do know that one of the activities was to do kind things for others. Apparently that is an efficient way to increase your own happiness.

Chris Rock, Oprah and PBS

2008-01-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

Unless you saw today's Oprah show you are probably scratching your head as to why I put them in a title together.
Well Oprah did a show on "What Makes America, America" and it was pretty much all over the place but then I tuned back in as I heard Chris Rock discussing his ancestry. This will be featured on a PBS special called African American Lives 2
What really captured me was when he was saying that until knowing that his family had done great things he had no real aspirations. He presumed "he'd spend his life mopping up after white people".
As I write that I still don't really understand why one wouldn't have aspirations because your ancestors didn't accomplish much.
I don't think like that. I have always thought that if I wanted to achieve something I had to just do it. I'm first generation American on one side and 3rd generation on the other. Working class all around. No one had a college education. But at no point did I think that meant I couldn't get one.
So my message is if you want to achieve - you can. It doesn't really matter if there is family precedent. It will most likely be a harder road and at times lonely but you can do it.
Believe.

Here is some of the Chris Rock interview
And I will certainly be watching the PBS special African American Lives 2

The post holiday financial pinch

2008-01-22T10:33:00.000-05:00

My last post was about giving - I hope you have given some thought to how you might do something simple to help others. Perhaps you accurately have surmised that now is not the time to give money away as you are receiving your credit card bills from the holiday season and you are feeling the squeeze. In fact you are sitting there wondering how in the world you will be able to make up all this overspend.
Certainly all the TV magazine shows and print magazines are featuring ways to cut back. Simple things like don't buy coffees, pack your lunch and no non-essential purchases.
Which lets me slip into one of the things I wanted to say about 'happiness'.
Many people equate things to happiness. If I have this thing I will be happy. Or I heard someone say that they have this horrible debt because they bought everything that was on their 7 yr olds Christmas list. How long do you think that 7 yr old stayed happy. I'd almost bet that they didn't even remember all that was on their list.
I could go on about how that isn't best for the kid but I won't - not now anyway. But Mom what were you thinking??
If there is one thing we should all understand as adults its that you can't buy happiness or respect.
Don't try to buy happiness and don't try to buy love - it will never last.

And even if you don't have cash to give to a charity you can still give them time or some of the things that you have accumulated but don't use.
Giving can bring you happiness.

Want to feel good? Do some good!

2008-01-18T15:50:00.000-05:00

I went to a great executive breakfast the other day which had the topic of philanthropy. I hadn't realized that the origin of the term philanthropy is "loving mankind" and that the modern definition (from dictionary.com) continues this with "altruistic concern for human welfare and advancement".
Like many I thought that philanthropy meant giving money - and yes it many cases it does. But you can do other things that fit this definition such as being environmentally aware and concerned or volunteering.
Many of us may feel that we don't have enough money to give money away or we don't have any time in our crazy busy lives to do anything "for nothing".
The main speaker talked of a woman who had grown up very poor. She used to wear her grandmother's housecoat to school in cold weather because she didn't have a coat. The other children teased her mercilessly so she refused to wear it and promised to do something when she was older to ensure other kids didn't have to have this experience.
Lillie Sanders is now in her sixties and is doing great things, read here
She has been doing great things for people all her life and making a huge difference in her community. Not from her great wealth - from her devotion and heart.
I was fascinated as I heard her story. It is believed that in her life she has 'given' a half million dollars, yet she and her husband probably make $25,ooo a year. Amazing. Here's more of her story
The speaker went on to say that in her 30 years of working to help people find where they wanted to contribute she has seen over and over that people who give almost always get 10 fold in return. You don't need to think BIG, perhaps you usually throw out your old clothes. Instead drop them off at a charity shop. In many areas the Salvation Army will come to your house to pick things up if you can't bring them in. We just redid our kitchen and discovered that Habitat for Humanity has a shop that resells larger items so we dropped off the dishwasher and some lighting.
Since adopting our dog a couple of years ago from the SPCA we try to drop off some puppy food monthly. It doesn't cost us much but it helps many homeless pups. And I know exactly what my donation is used for.

There are so many groups and causes you can contribute to in whatever way you can. Nothing is too small. May be you can give your time to a charity or organization that just needs some hands.
Not sure what to do or where to go?
Listen to your values. What really matters to you?
Then think where do I want to make a difference?
Once you've done those two you will be able to start looking at what organization you want to help.
It is wise to take a look at how that organization will use what you give ( money or otherwise) or at least talk to someone at the organization to feel more comfortable.
There are much better people than me and better websites than this for sorting out who to give to and how to go about doing.

What I want to say is find something to give and someone to give it to.
You will feel good - I can guarantee it.
One small step to making the world a better place.
Just do it!
LOL I think that's been used before

Find your balance

2008-01-14T08:46:00.000-05:00

For a moment think about this:
There is fun without meaning
and
meaning without fun.

In order to have balance we need both in our lives.

All lives should include some fun - fun is important to both children and adults as it gives relief from the serious business of life and allows us to just enjoy ourselves.
But choosing fun without meaning over and over will likely leave you feeling empty.
But if we focus solely on 'meaning' and don't have some fun we will likely feel 'spent' and can find ourselves frustrated.

So add a bit of fun or add a bit of meaning. Find a balance that works for you.

look inside yourself to find happiness

2008-01-09T18:28:00.000-05:00

Continuing on the concept of happiness this little nugget was published in The News-Observer in Raleigh, NC this week
Its by Barton Goldsmith a marriage and family therapist
enjoy
Take your happiness trip

Perfection isn't the goal

2008-01-08T13:14:00.000-05:00

In my steps to happiness I put as number 1 - Pass on perfection.
Just briefly here is a little more to think about on that.
You can't be happy all of the time. We hear so often that we should be positive and happy and strive to be such but if you really feel you SHOULD be happy all the time you will be disappointed and thus miserable.

Constant contentment is unrealistic.

So manage your expectations.

I just wrote about this on my golf blog GolfAsYouWish. I took a couple of months off from golfing and returned to the course with realistic expectations of what my game would be as opposed to what I have done in the past, which was to expect my game to be in 'full-swing' so to speak.

The result was that I enjoyed myself so much more than many times in the past because I wasn't caught up in trying to realize unrealistic expectations.

So if you strive to be perfect you will fail. Make your expectations realistic and achievable and you will succeed. Which will, I believe, make you happy!

How to be happy

2008-01-06T19:45:00.000-05:00

OK so there is no recipe for happiness as it will be different for all of us but there are some things that are in your control that you can alter in order to be a bit happier as you go through each day.
Keeping in mind that happiness is a state of mind most of what I will talk about here has to do with altering your perception or thoughts about things.
For instance, I love my home, but too many times what I see is what needs to be cleaned or fixed or painted or changed etc. Instead of seeing the good I chose to single out what's wrong.
And yes I understand that my home wouldn't be as nice if I ignored all that needed to be done, but it would be nice to sometimes step back and see how wonderful the 'whole' is.
So here are some things we can do to increase our happiness. I'll list them now and then write more about each in following entries.
1. Take a pass on perfection
2. Find your balance
3. Don't try to buy happiness
4. Switch gears
5. Lose yourself in the moment
6. Develop an attitude of gratitude
7. Share the love
8. Help yourself by helping others
9. Choose to choose less
10.Introduce your body to your mind
11.Be more forgiving
12.Pick out the positives

well that should get you started.
Go ahead and 'don't worry be happy'

Carolina News Wire (Raleigh) story on Carolina Life Coaching

2008-01-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

Raleigh Life Coach Karen Lee featured in News 14 Carolina television story

Thinking about financial resolutions?

2008-01-01T13:59:00.000-05:00

Here's a nice little feature from the Today Show

Carolina News14 Resolutions story

2007-12-30T18:48:00.000-05:00

Great news for Raleigh, NC based Carolina Life Coaching and Karen Lee. A news story and interview with Heather Moore of Carolina News14 was featured on television and is also on their website.
Here's the link.
If you would like some help in creating your resolutions or want some tips to KEEP your resolutions.
email me: karen@carolinalifecoaching.com

Carolina Life Coaching is featuring a January 2008 special - Three months coaching for the price of two!

Successful resolutions

2007-12-29T13:44:00.000-05:00

Ok in the third installation of the 2007-2008 resolution making and keeping journal I am going to specifically discuss things that can help you keep your resolutions. Hopefully these will help you on your way to success.

1. Make SMART resolutions ( specific. measurable, achievable, realistic and timebound) Instead of saying I'm going to 'get fit' say I will be able to walk 4 miles in 1 hour in six weeks time.

2. Have a plan to succeed. Have a method of achieving your goal. What will you do when you are craving a cigarette, an impulsive shopping trip, or Cold Stone Creamery ice cream sundae?

3. Break your overall goal down into incremental steps. Reward yourself for each success. ( no I don't recommend eating a box of chocolates for reaching your monthly weight loss goal!) Humans are creatures that thrive on positive reinforcement and not great at delaying gratification. If your resolution is a long to mid term goal give yourself short term goals that when built on top of each other arrive at the ultimate goal.

4. State your resolution as a positive.

5. Write it down and track your progress

6. Tell someone or lots of people - they will help you stay on track

7. Slips happen - don't obsess about a slip. Big deal. Recommit and move forward. If you are frequently slipping you may need another approach that is a better fit. If you just aren't going to the gym, ride your bike in the neighborhood or walk at lunch time. There are ways to exercise that don't include special trips to the gym.

8. Stick to it. Habits aren't built in a day ( some research says it takes at least 21 days for a habit to be established and 6 months or more to become part of who you are.

9. Make a pro and con list. What are the ups and downs of keeping this resolution. This will help in moments of weakness ;- )

Ok every list needs 10 things so ................ hmmmmmmmmmmmm..

10. Make it something that is REALLY important to you, something you really want. Have some passion about it. You are most certainly doomed if you don't want to do it or don't care one way or another.

No matter how well you plan for your goal you may still fall upon difficult times and find yourself lacking in motivation or not being able to make it work. Call a life coach and get the help you need to make that resolution come true!
Contact me if you want some more specific information or some support.

January 2008 only, Carolina Life Coaching is offering 3 Months for the price of 2!!

Good Luck!!

Planning your resolution - the key to success

2007-12-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

In my previous post I discussed how too often New Year's resolutions are wishes more than they are resolutions. Resolutions aren't often planned for, we just sort of blurt something out, spur of the moment and then a day later try to figure out what we have to do to achieve our resolution and also consider the implications of our resolution.

So here's a radical thought - if your resolution is something you really want to achieve, PLAN on how you will carry it out. How will it fit in your life?

If you want to quit smoking how are you going to go about succeeding? Are you going to use a pharmaceutical intervention to support you? How will you deal with a craving to smoke? Do you have friends or family members that will help you along the way, may be even join you in quitting? Will you quit cold turkey or gradually? What will you do if you really, really want a cigarette? Will you need to re-evaluate your social group?

I want to lose weight. How much in total? By when? How - more exercise, less food, better food, set diet or generalized eating plan? Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or other group?

Having a plan means we have already considered ways to have support when we need it, it means having methods of achievement already in mind, it means having a definite goal not just a wish or a hope that we will have less debt in a year than we have now.

I know that for some this planning may take some of the fun out of the resolution but it will put the potential for success in.

Therefore today is the day to think about what resolution you are going to make and start thinking about how you are going to carry it out.
Make your resolution specific and measurable. Make it something that is within your reach (extend it later once you have achieved your initial goal).

Give yourself a chance to succeed.
Sat tuned my next post will have some additional ideas on how to make your resolution count.

January 2008 only, Carolina Life Coaching is offering 3 Months for the price of 2!!

Resolution season is here again! Just make one.

2007-12-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

This week I was asked to be interviewed on the subject of resolutions. The interviewer asked me, "what's the point?" She stated that we set them on Tuesday and give up by Saturday. Unfortunately this is true for many of us.
Why?
Why do so many of us fail to 'keep' our resolutions, well because we don't usually set out a plan to succeed.
Historically resolutions are essentially pipe dreams. They are the things we wish a genie would come down and 'fix' for us. They are things we have wanted to change or realize for a long time but have never really committed to achieving.
Resolutions are wishes - I wish I were thinner therefore I resolve to lose weight.
I wish I wasn't in so much debt so I will resolve to reduce my debt.

Certainly the first step in making a resolution is deciding what it is you want to change/achieve. However that is just the beginning.
In my next post I will discuss planning for your resolution!

I do think that it is best to just make a single resolution. Once you achieve that one it is time to make another one. You can make a resolution at any point in the year, not just at New Year's Eve!

OK so have a think and come up with one resolution that once decide on we can look at keeping!

Last minute shopping???

2007-12-17T17:05:00.000-05:00

Don't know about you but I am, as usual, desperately thinking about what to get a few people on my list. I'm also moving along in full swing with preparing for the January onslaught at Carolina Life Coaching. January the official 'resolution' month is always full of interest.
So I got to thinking...........

Does that special someone you don't have a gift for, want to quit smoking or lose weight or change jobs? May be they feel their life is out of control? Their work/life balance is askew or they want to increase their fitness levels or complete that project they started five years ago. Give them the support they need.

Buy them a month of coaching from Carolina Life Coaching. Give them the opportunity to have a professional completely dedicated to them, who will guide and motivate them to achieve their goals.

A personal coach can seem a luxury that the average person desires yet doesn't take the plunge and engage.
Give your loved one ( or yourself) the advantage of a coach.
You won't regret it.
I promise.

Law of Attraction

2007-12-12T11:50:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had something occupying your mind and then lo and behold that something happens or appears?
Most of us have.
This can be a positive something or a negative something.

For example I love to golf and have gotten to be an above average player, the weakest part of my game is putting. Always has been. Unfortunately I believe this to my core and therefore I bring poor putting to nearly every round. When I have been able to not think, "Oh goodness here we go again", I actually am an average putter. But many more days than not that is what I think as I stand over the first putt. If I miss I have proved myself right!
This is an example of my thinking that I am a bad putter, dreading putting and turning it to my reality.

Now if I could convince myself to think that I enjoy putting and that I am fairly decent at it ( which on occasion I am able to do) my putting would improve, and it does.

This isn't a strict interpretation of The Law of Attraction - you can find some great info here
But it is in following the gist of it.

For today I just wanted to point out how many of us 'think' ourselves into failing or in some cases not even trying. We do this by focusing on a negative and then making that negative a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Good news we can do this for positives too, more to come on that topic

Interesting read from the UK

2007-11-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

Life, sorted

Enjoy!

Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman

2007-11-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

I have finally gotten around to reading Daniel Goleman's Social Intelligence and it is truly a wonderful read. Some individuals that have read Emotional Intelligence by the same author feel that they are too similar. I cannot comment on this. What I am happy to say is that Social Intelligence is an informative, educational, and enjoyable read.
Each chapter is thoroughly backed up with current (when it was written) science and gives you lots to think about.
This book provides some great insights into how people relate and the neurological responses humans experience in 'connecting' or as it may happen not 'connecting'.
It is quite scientific in its content and for some it may be best to read it chapter by chapter with some time for reflection.
Please keep in mind that it isn't a 'how-to' or 'self-help' book. It is the science of connecting not a recipe for connecting.
Its a great read and one that personally I believe is best to have a personal copy of that you can mark up and take as long as you like to read.

Responsibility

2007-11-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

Responsibility is one of those topics that always reminds me that I am 'old school' - oh heck may be I'm just old. Lately there have been lots of stories in the news that assign blame to inanimate objects instead of the humans in charge of the inanimate objects. For instance, the car that drives into a tree. Here's the real newsflash - the car didn't drive into the tree of its own volition ( I suppose this could happen with some very odd mechanical issue). The human driving the car commandeered the vehicle into the tree. Now this could have been because they lost control. They might have lost control due to not giving appropriate attention to driving, driving too fast, the car not being well maintained (bad tires) by the owner, poor weather and the driver not taking that into account, etc.
Bottom line is that the car didn't drive into the tree - the human did.
In today's world though we dare not say that - oops I just did.
It's not McDonald's fault that so many Americans are overweight either. You are in charge of what goes into your mouth.
In general it seems that more and more Americans are looking to assign blame for any ills to something other than themselves. This attitude is spiraling and you can see how it is infecting so much of our world.
Don't sell yourself short - you, each of you, are very powerful. You have the ability to be fit, to do well in your job, to present yourself in an appropriate manner, to affect your life and make it one you are proud of.

Oh and your car is not in control of you, you control it. Next time you are texting, eating, talking on the phone, reading, or falling asleep at the wheel, think about the fact that you are solely responsible for controlling your vehicle - a vehicle that weighs about 2 tons (4000+lbs for most SUV's) and goes well over 100mph. If you drive into a tree you are likely going to die, if you drive into oncoming traffic you are likely to kill someone else, if you have a non-fatal accident you will still cause some serious damage.
It will be your fault. You have responsibility as a driver to drive with due care and attention.
Please the next time you read about the car that drove into the tree, assign the blame where it lies.
Sorry for the rant but I really think if more people accepted that they are in charge we'd actually see less vehicular deaths and other accidents. The newspapers really need to stop enabling this myth.

Thinking about relaxing..

2007-10-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

Its a beautiful sunny Sunday and having done some inside chores and some outside chores I am now thinking about what else I have to do before I can relax in front of the TV and watch the NY Giants play in London.
This got me to thinking, wow if I have to plan to relax does that mean the rest of my life is agitated/anxious/wired, you get the idea.
I bet you 'plan' to relax too.
Now let me say that for many adults it is essential to plan time out for relaxing and I certainly am not recommending that those of us that need to schedule relaxation quit scheduling it.
I'm just turning the concept on its head a bit and recognizing that if we HAVE to schedule relaxation the rest of our life is pretty crazy!
I mean if I am not going to 'relax' until the game is on the evil cortisol is running through my arteries until then........

Hmm need to think some more about this - stress has been in the news lots lately saying 1/3 of Americans are living with extreme stress.

Time to use this space to look at some stress reduction techniques

Last Lecture

2007-10-22T19:45:00.000-05:00

I caught the end of Oprah Winfrey today and I saw someone named Randy Pausch. He is a 47 yr old happily married professor, & father of 3 young children who has an aggressive pancreatic cancer and been told he doesn't have long to live. He explained that in academia there is a question that circulates; "If you were going to die tomorrow what would your last lecture be?"
So this is his version.
I included the link to his home page on which you will find the link to the video. It includes a long introduction - skip it or whizz through it but listen to his lecture, all of it. Its worth it - I promise!
Randy Pausch - Last Lecture

50,000 thoughts per day!!

2007-10-19T12:59:00.000-05:00

Thats the estimate for the amount of thoughts we have PER DAY!
Unfortunately a percentage of those are negative, for many people the majority are negative thoughts. Even if only 1% (come on who has only 1% negative thoughts!) are negative that means 500 negative thoughts a day, if your number is 20% you're talking about 10, 000 negative thoughts and 60% is 30,000 NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.
Yowsa!
What do you do with your negative thoughts?
For all thoughts we have two basic options - analyze them or ignore them.
Learning to do the latter or at least take our negative thoughts less serious is very beneficial.
NO thought can hurt you without your consent.
which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt, 'This Is My Story,' 1937
US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)

2007-10-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

As each day passes do you sometimes (or perhaps even often) think to yourself, "another day gone and not much achieved?"
I know that I do and I always mentally kick myself in the butt and say hey you don't get this day back make sure you do something with it.
Sometimes during a day we are presented with an occasion to do something magnificent, but for many of us only small opportunities knock.
Each of us may define these opportunities differently but whatever the specific act is it makes us feel good.
I was listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter earlier, "What Would You Say" and in the lyrics it says this;
Time only goes one way.
Time only goes one way.
Time only knows one way,
And it ain't come back.

How true. For me this is a sobering point and one that inspires me to be active and LIVE life not let it all slide by.
Do something it says - do something.

Return of the blog

2007-09-24T14:05:00.000-05:00

After more than a 2 month hiatus what does one say?
No point in rehashing the past is what I say

- this is a blog that is devoted to looking forward and moving forward.

this blog is about allowing ourselves to imagine what we want our lives to be and to provide tools and motivation to get us into action toward achieving what we imagine.

You are limited only by your imagination.

So get imagining now!

check out www.carolinalifecoaching.com

Good vibes

2007-07-02T18:53:00.000-05:00

Practice these daily and you'll feel better as will everyone around you - well that's the theory!

Think of something you're grateful for. make this your first exercise of the day - and enjoy the resulting positive energy.
Surround yourself with optimistic, upbeat people who see the best in you, in others, and in the world.
Make a regular habit of mind/body practices such as yoga, tai chi, and meditation to reduce your emotional reactivity
Start a healthy chain of emotions. Try to have a spontaneously upbeat interaction with each person who crosses your path.
Remind yourself that negative emotions, however intense, are impermanent: They're part of the changing scenery of our lives.
As much as you can, make eye contact with others - and smile.

Sounds good to me

A little Henry David Thoreau

2007-04-30T10:55:00.000-05:00

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."

I haven't read Thoreau lately but I have extensively in the past. If you haven't read his works or like me its been a while this book is a good starting point

The Portable Coach review

2007-04-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading The Portable Coach by Thomas J. Leonard. Leonard is the founder of Coach University and this book has a strong following - deservedly so.
It is a very interesting read, neatly laid out into 28 chapters each highlighting a separate strategy for success or I think a better description is each is a step in his Principles of Attraction theory.
In a nutshell he believes that you don't need to grasp for success that one can attract it. Reading the steps, integrating and assimilating the information is a transformational process. Much of the personal work would be made easier by working with a coach but some will be able to achieve it on their own.

Even if it just gets you thinking it is a very good and informational read. I can't imagine someone actively and thoughtfully reading it and NOT getting results.
Don't take my word for it though check it out for yourself

Evening Seminars

2007-04-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

Carolina Life Coaching will be offering several courses through the Lifelong Learning program offered by Wake County Public Schools.
The seminars include:
Attain the Life You Want - a two part seminar that will help you uncover what is holding you back and provide you with the skills to remove those barriers. Held on May 16 & 17, 7 - 9:30 pm, $43 per session.

Understanding your Teenager - this seminar will help you to better understand your teenager via learning about the developmental stages of adolescence. The focus will be on improving communication between yourself and your teenager. Held on June 13, 7 - 9:30, $43.

Golfers - Find Your Focus! - This is an introduction to the mental game of golf. It will help you to see how your mind can be used to improve your scores or alternatively to destroy a round based on a bad hole or a bad shot. As they say, "golf is 90% mental, the other 10% is mental"
Held June 25, 7 - 9:30pm, $45

Registration is through Wake County Public Schools Lifelong Learning Unit .
Checks are payable to Karen Lee, Carolina Life Coaching

Plan your breaks

2007-04-04T11:17:00.000-05:00

Continuing on the theme of taking time for pleasure:

Schedule a long weekend every season as well as an annual vacation. Save for these holidays just as you would for retirement, so you think of them as an investment in your health rather than an expense. Make your need for time off clear to your employer/co-worker, and loved ones.
Leave your laptop/phone/Blackberry in your hotel room so you can check it at YOUR convenience.
Let go of vacation guilt and accept leisure for what it is:
a life-enhancing gift to yourself.

Build pleasure into every day!

2007-04-02T19:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you but when life gets busy and demanding I can go long stretches without doing something just because I like it. I know its bad when I see walking my dog as a chore 'cause he just the happiest and at times silliest critter you could ever meet. If he doesn't bring a smile to your face - well you need to take yourself a lot less seriously!
So just a quick post here to say make sure that you have something in your day that brings you pleasure. This will be different things for different people but you hopefully know what will do it for you.
Listen to some music that stirs or soothes you. Dance with a loved one. Walk your dog. Catch a sunset or a sunrise. Watch birds preparing a nest. Stop at your favorite coffee shop or bakery. Read a little of an engaging book. Meet an old (or new) friend.
Once you add a little pleasure in your day it will really re- awaken your soul and make all of your existence better.
Go ahead a schedule some pleasure in your day!

get unplugged

2007-03-20T19:13:00.000-05:00

in today's world more people than not (or so it seems) are always hooked up to some technology. Be it computer, cell phone, phone, Blackberry, MP3 player etc. we are connected and we are contactable. We have the radio on in the car the TV on at home. Heck at this moment I am working on my laptop with the TV on in the background.
When is the last time that it all was off - you were off - there was silence and peace?
When we are connected - we don't stop thinking and doing. This is tiresome and draining.
So get unplugged. Schedule some time each day that is 'silent'. This can be just a few minutes or longer if you can. You will no doubt take a deep breath and feel the tension drop from your shoulders and neck.
Try to not have anything on when you are driving home from work or take a walk listening to the birds and nature.
Get unplugged and recharge your batteries

The Today Show and tax returns!

2007-03-08T08:33:00.000-05:00

I was listening to The Today Show this morning (March 8, 2007) and they did a feature on how to spend your tax refund. One of their suggestions on how to use it on yourself was to engage with a Life Coach!
What a great way to work on your personal development.

And remember Coaching fees are often tax-deductible for people who use coaching to improve business and professional skills. Check with your accountant or CPA for details.

BUY.COM special
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peaks and valleys, all part of the terrain

2007-03-06T19:32:00.000-05:00

In my coaching I have worked with several clients who have decided to set up their own business and work for themselves. An exciting and daunting time for most. One thing we inevitably discuss is the peaks and valleys of being self-employed, there are super busy times and slower times. Although this can be relative it holds true for everyone I've known.

Managing the peaks and valleys becomes part of running your business. How you utilize the 'extra' time when your in a slow time impacts your ability to handle the crazy busy times.

When times are slow are you getting things in order so that when things are hectic 'administration' needs less from you?
Are you working at moderating the peaks and valleys so that the ups and downs are not so severe?

This same concept applies to the rest of your life. I can't think of anyone whose life isn't full sometimes and not so full other times, personal peaks and valleys if you like. Do just laze away during the slow times or do you try and get ahead of the game?

Highs and lows are normal - extreme highs and extreme lows are not.
Go ahead and recharge your batteries during the slow times but do what you can to prepare for when life or business gets full!
In this way you can moderate the peaks and valleys. Good luck

Be joyous!

2007-02-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

When's the last time you smiled from the inside out?

Are you at your core a happy person? Or are you someone that rarely sees bright side of things?

We've all heard the glass is half full half empty theory. Which one are you?

Sometimes we all have times, moments, days even weeks where there isn't much to be 'happy' about. But do you at least know someone that smiles and radiates joy even through those times.

You know the person that is never a drain on your resources?

I played golf with someone today that is always able to laugh - since I am the same we always have a wonderful time. The sun was shining and we smiled along with it as we made our way through the 18 picturesque holes.

Once it was over we both had to dig right into some work and tuck into our lives but the time laughing and taking in the pretty day were not lost.

It was like a mini-vacation. That was wasted on neither of us.

I can hear some of you saying hey I don't have time to 'play' in the sunshine or that there's only ice, snow and slush.

Well if the weather isn't cooperating find something to be grateful for something that warms your heart and something that brings a smile to your soul.

Last comment of the night is may we all try and approach life like my dog, if there is a drop of water in that glass he sees it as full and thinks he is the luckiest being on earth. Everyone that has met him smiles when they think of him, complete strangers remark, "That is one happy dog"

And I tell you they are not wrong

Wouldn't it be great if when people met you they thought that is one happy person!

So smile

Smile from the heart!

The Ultimate Gift

2007-02-25T14:46:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start posting links to books that come highly recommended and are topic appropriate.
I was at a meeting the other day and this one came with the strongest recommendation

Your blindspots

2007-02-21T18:45:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever told you something about yourself that you had never seen, considered or noticed?
Most of us have.
Whether professionally, personally, in relationships, etc. all of us have 'blindspots' - areas about our lives that we can't see.
These blindspots are just one great reason to work with a life or performance coach.
The coach - YOUR coach - will spot what you cannot see about yourself.
In order to be truly successful in life you need to have a clear vision of yourself.
In particular one needs to see one's flaws in order to alter the appropriate behaviors in order to move ahead.

Remember if you find your life lacking in one area or several a coach can help you to attain the life you deserve.
Get someone to check your blindspots now!

Life in the comfort zone

2007-02-17T19:24:00.000-05:00

When's the last time you did something that felt awkward, uncomfortable, or was anxiety-inducing etc. ?
Most adults like to spend their lives in their comfort zone - Our comfort zone is the environment in which we feel safe - 'the comfy sweats we like to lounge around in' of our lives. It is physical, emotional, cultural, intellectual and financial. It is made up of the expected and the accepted -it is defined by our assumptions and prejudices, by our fear and apathy.

You may wonder why you would want to do something that was outside your comfort zone, how could that be good for me?

Well the only way we grow, learn and improve is by leaving our comfort zone.

You no doubt have heard that if you keep on doing what you are doing, you will keep on getting what you are getting.
So if your life isn't what you want in any way then you will have to 'leave your comfort zone' in order to move toward what you want.

Using an example that many of us will relate to lets think about running or swimming.
If every time I run 5 miles it takes 45 minutes but I want to get it down to 40 minutes I am not going to attain my goal by continuing my comfortable pace of 9 minute miles. There are several ways in which I can tackle this but all will leave me gasping for air or feeling tired or with a stitch in my side.
Basically in order to reduce my running times I will have to run faster than is currently comfortable.

If I easily swim 10 laps but want to complete 15 I am going to have to stretch myself and keep adding a lap until I can easily swim 15 laps.

This same concept is true for whatever change you want to affect.

So go on find an aspect of life you want to improve and step out of your comfort zone.

Soon enough you will find that it is no longer stressful - it will be part of your new comfort zone.

10 aspects of GOALS

2007-02-11T21:31:00.000-05:00

1. Reachable goals are SPECIFIC.
Top achievers know that to reach their goals, the brain must know exactly, precisely, what they are trying to accomplish. Never word a goal with vague terms like "some" or "a little bit" or "more." Be specific! If you want to lose 8 pounds and reach a weight of 175, specify those exact numbers. If you want to save $200 this month, be exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if it knows precisely what you are aiming for.

2. Reachable goals are SIMPLE.
Many people describe their goals in complex terms of retiring on the beach in Hawaii, with nice cars and lots of money, and…. Their list goes on and on. Any ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes over whelming and the brain gets confused. If you want to retire in Hawaii, just say so! If you want to increase your sales by 10% this month, say so! Keep your goals simple, clear and focused.

3. Reachable goals are SIGNIFICANT.
No one can muster the enthusiasm, hard work and courage to reach a goal they don't really care about. A reachable goal is one you really, really, REALLY want! It's something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth and make you proud. It gets your juices flowing, gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because it is important! Set goals that are worth achieving!

4. Reachable goals are STRATEGIC.
High achievers know that the best goals accomplish many great outcomes, all at one time. Running a 10K race will almost certainly: 1) feel great! 2) help you lose weight 3) lower your cholesterol level 4) strengthen your heart 5) and lower you risk of heart disease 6) increase your energy and stamina, and 7) improve your outlook. Design your goals to strategically impact as many areas of your life as possible. You'll have more reasons to reach your goal and more excitement when you do!

5. Reachable goals are MEASURABLE.
A goal without a measurable outcome is just a pipe-dream. You can't achieve a pound of "happiness" or 6 inches of "self-esteem," but you CAN get a new job. You CAN run a mile in under 7 minutes, or do 100 sit-ups. Someone has wisely observed that, "What gets measured, gets done." Define your goals in terms of height, weight, dollars, inches or hours. Then measure your progress until you achieve your desired outcome.

6. Reachable goals are RATIONAL.
To reach your goal, you will need a plan, a path and a vehicle for getting there. Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends and family, your goals should create excitement, draw support, and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain after impossible dreams. Set goals you CAN and WILL achieve!

7. Reachable goals are TANGIBLE.
Choose goals that you can see, hear, smell or touch. Go for things you will enjoy and that you can clearly visualize. The brain has hard time going for "financial security," but it can visualize a bank statement with nice, large numbers on it! Define your goals in terms that excite the senses, then go for it with all your heart!

8. Reachable goals are WRITTEN.
High achievers always know precisely what they want, because they've written it down. Often, they write a short description of their goals every single morning, as a personal reminder of their priorities and their objectives. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases your chance of success. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where you can see and read them every day.

9. Reachable goals are SHARED.
We are far more likely to stick to our plan and reach our goals if we know our friends and family support us. Being part of a team increases our determination, our stamina, and our courage. Caution: Never share your goals with anyone who may ridicule, tease or discourage you! The world is full of doubters and you have no time for them. But, find a support team, a group of cheerleaders, and a coach who will encourage you every step of the way. High achievers count on and work with other winners!

10. Reachable goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES.
One of the biggest reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they have conflict between their behavior and their values. However, when your values and your goals are in agreement, there is no stopping you! Clarify your values first, then set simple, specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent with those values. You will achieve them, every single time!

lifestyle change to habit - how long?

2007-02-02T11:23:00.000-05:00

Any idea how long it takes for a lifestyle change to become a habit.........

have you got it? .................................

go on ..............................

OK its three to six months.

One way to look at it is to classify it as a behavior change (thats what it is) and realize that behavior changes take time.
If you wanted to learn a new skill - lets say rollerblading - you wouldn't expect to immediately be fast & steady. You would factor in a learning curve.
The same goes for a diet change or an increase of exercise. You will find it more difficult at the beginnning when you are implementing your change and later on down the road your new diet or new exercise routine will be incorporated into your life.
It will be part of your routine, you may have a lapse or two along the way, but that is what it is.
You know like falling/stumbling in your quest to rollerblade. You deal with it and don't quit trying. You get back up and start again

So think of your lifestyle changes as a behavioral change or as something new you are learning. Allow the 'normal' learning curve, and accept tripping up from time to time.

In 3-6 months your new habit will be integrated and although you may still choose to eat a bit of cake as a special occasion or skip a day of walking, you will see those as the blips in your schedule not relapses. You won't automatically think, "I've blown it".

So keep those resolutions going or restart them and remember that you won't fully incorporate the change(s) for several months.

Good luck

Meet Coach Karen Lee of Carolina Life Coaching

2007-01-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, February 3rd, 2007, I'll be in Cary, NC for The Vitamin Shoppe Wellness Day between 1 and 3pm.
I'll be giving out information about both life and performance coaching; what's the difference, how does it work, what's right for you and will happily answer any questions you might have.
So if you are in the area stop and say hi!
I'd love to meet you and have the chance to introduce you to Carolina Life Coaching

Click on the Vitamin Shoppe link for directions to the specific location and click on Carolina Life Coaching to head to my main website.

Each day as your last...

2007-01-20T12:13:00.000-05:00

I've been working on this post for 2 days - never a good sign when your blogging - or at least not a good sign when I'm blogging.

And I've just deleted what I had spent 2 days writing - ARGH

I deleted it because I feel like this should be easy to write about.

We have - no doubt - all heard that we should live each day as our last.
There are lots of ways to 'live each day as your last'

I know one person that reads that as party as hard as you can
Another uses it as their guide on interacting with others (she wouldn't want her last words to someone be angry ones)
Yet another sees it as a plea to fill their days with constant activity - an intense version of 'never put off until tomorrow what you can do today'

Me - well I suppose it combines 2 & 3 and has a 'live in the moment' thrown in. And a subtle reminder to keep perspective.

If today was my last I would want to fully experience each moment, I wouldn't want to have any angry/upsetting moments and I would want to accomplish all that I could.

What does "Live Each Day as Your Last" mean to you?

What a great question!!

2007-01-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

As a Life and Performance Coach I do lots of reading of various materials to stay current and to continue to develop my abilities as a coach. Yesterday I read something that was truly a little different than all the rest of the talk about 'resolutions'.

This coach mentioned starting by sorting out what you don't want.

Then went on to say that before you start focusing on these new goals that it was a great idea to give yourself a pat on the back for the triumphs of 2006............

So here is the task;

Write down your

REASONS TO BE DELIGHTED WITH MYSELF IN 2006

That should have a wonderful energizing effect for you prior to taking a look at the things you want or don't want in 2007.

Don't be overly critical this is an exercise in congratulating yourself - have fun and be proud!

About those resolutions....

2007-01-10T12:17:00.000-05:00

The media push on resolutions - especially health and fitness(weight loss) goals continues strongly. One article states that 31% of us want to lose weight and another 19% want to maintain a healthier lifestyle so I suppose its not any wonder that how to achieve those goals is on TV, in the newspaper and the focus of the January and February magazines.
This same article states that 52% of people made a 2006 resolution but a whopping 81% plan to make a resolution for 2007. I can't help but wonder why there is such a huge difference unless some people that say they are going to make a resolution don't when the time comes - even still 29% difference seems high.
Why am I blogging about this - because I find it interesting that so many people have, essentially, the same goal. Personally I think its a good one - especially as more and more Americans are considered clinically overweight or obese. In fact almost all Western countries are suffering from the same phenomena. Still part of me wonders about the relationship of the media attachment and drive and the weight-loss and fitness industries.
These days parent companies have such diverse and massive holdings that it can be hard to keep track as an individual and the companies can easily be used to drive each other. For example the American TV network NBC is owned by GE, has attachments to Microsoft in MSNBC, which links to Newsweek magazine on the MSNBC website. Newsweek has the Washington Post as its partner (it states Newsweek was bought by the Post in 1969)
That was pretty off topic however it does highlight the ability of the media to reach out from various angles. Is it because we are constantly pushed to make the weight loss resolution that so many do? Again I think its a great resolution however if someone hasn't made the resolution because they are ready to, but because of peer pressure from the media it is setting that person up to fail
AND this is the key.......
and building negative experiences that potentially will prevent the individual from feeling able to achieve weight loss in the future.

Moral of the story make resolutions for you not because external sources are pushing you to make certain ones. If weight loss is one of your goals but feels intimidating focus on saying
I resolve to walk 30 minutes a day -
even if it is 15 minutes 2x or 10 minutes 3x a day.
This way you will lose weight (unless you eat more!) but your focus isn't on a diet or a loss goal but on finding 30 minutes to walk each day.

Try it - don't be bullied into a goal
Take charge and be more successful

I resolve to...

2007-01-04T09:04:00.000-05:00

By now you have no doubt (if you plan on doing so), made your New Year's resolutions. If the media's focus is any indication you will be vowing to lose weight and/or get fit. Smokers will be looking to quit. Some people may be looking to tidy up their homes or do some DIY.
All good goals.

Even though I tend to not go along with the masses I always enjoy thinking about how to start the New Year with an intent to keep moving forward as a person. As I age it has more meaning to me to have this hallmark to think of ways to improve my life.
So I've been thinking about my resolutions and most were simple and small. As I dug deeper to find more significant goals and ideals to achieve I realized that all my ideas were falling into a single category.
So this year it is simple...........
I am going to be a better person.
Better to others, better to me, better to the earth and environment.
I'm going to do more for others, for myself and for my 'world'.

These are very broad statements and if that is all I had it might be difficult to go about achieving them. I won't detail all they contain here but I can assure you that each statement forms the title of a column that goes on to list how I intend on carrying these ideas out.

It is always a good idea if you have a broad concept as a goal to further break it down into manageable steps.
No matter your resolutions give yourself a chance by itemizing how you might achieve them - call it a plan.
This will turn your idea into a goal.

Good luck

Take Charge of Your Mind: Part 2

2006-12-23T10:45:00.000-05:00

Continuing the brief synopsis of John Selby & Paul Hannam's great read, Take Charge of Your Mind
Now that you are able to stop the downward spiral by becoming aware of your breathing in and out of your nose (or mouth for some) you want to become aware of your movements in your chest and belly. You are not to alter your breathing - just feel the natural flow.
By doing this you are now aware of two (or more) sensations and that makes if very difficult to keep thinking negative thoughts.

Your next step will be to open yourself up to positive thoughts. It may begin with focusing on this phrase, "I'm also aware of the feelings in my heart"
Mood management requires much more than mental control; it depends on creating a connection with positive emotions. Selby states that this expanded focus on the heart has been shown in cognitive studies to stimulate a sense of warmth and relaxation - which combats a negative mood.
Ideally you will shift from feeling bored and detached to feeling compassionate and optimistic.

OK so now your heart is open and your breath is flowing, now make a choice to fully regain your sense of well being and empowerment. The next task is to expand your attention to include full body awareness by saying to yourself: "I'm aware of my whole body at once, here in this present moment."
On any given day you are likely to feel spontaneous moments of peace - while your exercising or witnessing an awesome sunset, etc. This last step of whole body awareness helps you consciously initiate this relaxing feeling so that you feel whole and in the moment by choice rather than by chance.

The things you focus on help create your mood - and what you focus on is up to you. By waking up to the present moment, you regain your sense of well-being and control. As Selby explains, "You can shift from being the victim of your mood swings to being the victor."

Once again here's a link to this book

This post has been informed by an article in February 2007, Body & Soul

Take Charge of Your Mind

2006-12-22T18:42:00.000-05:00

I was just reading an excerpt from this book coauthored by John Selby, "Take Charge of Your Mind" and thought it would be of great use to those of us that struggle with various issues through the holiday season.
I know that many of us feel particularly stressed about time, gifts, family, parties, etc. Some people feel the loss of others more poignantly at the holidays.
This book gives simple techniques to apply when we feel those first sensations of rising emotion or rising blood pressure.
In an oversimplification, there are four steps:
Wake Up
Go Deeper
Open your Heart
Expand Your Joy

I'll give you the essence of 'Wake Up" today and fill the others in tomorrow.

Wake Up
when negative thoughts or difficult circumstances arise, stop and say to yourself," I feel the air flowing in and out of my nose."
Let the words lead your attention to the actual experience of breathing.
By doing this you are shifting your attention from thoughts (negative ones) to sensory experience. Sensory experience is in the present and the present is always a great place to be. Many times, negative thoughts can spiral into catastrophizing but catching them early and moving your concentration to your breathing should avert the catastrophe.

Tune in tomorrow for the next 3 parts to this and better yet - check out the book I believe it will be a valuable read for all of us!

Trying the first step towards failure?

2006-12-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

While making dinner the other evening I heard my husband laugh at some tv show that was playing . I enquired as to what had been so amusing and he said that Homer Simpson had told his son " Trying is the first step towards failure" . Of course it's funny when Homer Simpson says it because it's part and parcel of his persona but it got me wondering how many people actually refuse to try and do something because of a fear of failure?

I thought I would lightly research what some famous people see as success and failure , so here are a few quotations, hope they give you some perspective:

Never give in. Never give in. Never give in . never. Never. never. Never.
Winston Churchill.
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.
Abraham Lincoln.
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises
Demosthenes
If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.
Henry Ford
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas Edison.

And finally, How may we measure success? I have to say that I like this notion,

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

Sometimes in taking a personal inventory it is easy to get fixated on the things that are missing in one's life or the thing's that one is most disappointed in.
Hopefully in performing your personal inventory you have not fallen into the above trap. If you have, no worries, as it is easy enough to change one's perspective.
So for today take stock of all that you can be thankful for, be it health, wealth, family, friends, kindness, graciousness, food, love, neighbors, home, peace, safety, etc.
What is important is that you recognize how much you have to be grateful for - and all of us have something to be thankful for.

So give a special overt thanks today (and feel thankful every day)

It is also a day to come together. Whether its is a good story or the truth we have grown up with the idea that the pilgrims and the native americans came together and combined provisions for the first Thanksgiving.

So may be its time to heal a rift, to smile when its difficult to do so.
As my Mom would say,
"Be nice its Thanksgiving!"

have you started to take stock?

2006-11-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

sorry for the hiatus - hopefully you've started to think about what is right and what isn't in your life. In order to not be overwhelmed by the process it is essential to compartmentalize your life you may make as many compartments or as few as you need to in order to make it work for you. I will suggest that you make at least four categories - physical, emotional, spiritual, and work/productivity.

Assess your satisfaction in each on a scale of 1-10. Identify what is missing/lacking/ not working. Identify what is working.
But it is more important to identify the areas you want to be better.
Be as specific as possible
Once you clearly identify the areas you want to improve we can then start to look at how..............

let me know how it is going

what is a personal inventory?

2006-10-26T09:22:00.000-05:00

In my last post I mentioned that it can be useful to take a personal inventory. This is a concept that seems common knowledge to me but a quick googling of 'personal inventory' didn't turn in the results I expected.
The search results showed the common meaning was more of a practical or literal inventory such as having a list of the items you own. No doubt this is a very useful thing to do and to have - for insurance purposes, in preparation for a move, or for any other purpose you may think appropriate.
However, the personal inventory I was thinking of is more a taking stock of your life, your soul, your goals, accomplishments etc.
As difficult as it might seem to compile a list of your possessions you will find it much more difficult to itemize your life and self!

There will be no best way of doing this that applies to everyone but there are certain steps that will help make the process more manageable.
We will look at these steps in more detail in subsequent entries -
for now start thinking about the different areas of your life, here's a few ideas to get you started

family
work
social
education
partner
financial
spiritual
health
relationships

As you consider these areas think about whether you are satisfied or unsatisfied with your life in general in these areas. Think about breaking them down into smaller areas and recognizing divisions of these you might want to improve.

this is the beginning of a personal inventory

Spring Cleaning in Autumn

2006-10-15T12:16:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you but I always get on a cleaning kick about this time of year. I believe its the cool crisp weather. The air seems crystal clear and the changed position of the sun (really its the earth's position that's changed) means the lighting inside has changed too.
I start digging out the autumn and Halloween decorations for the house and yard and this seemingly jump starts a major swoop through the house. The closets get taken apart and the bag for goodwill grows exponentially. The furniture gets moved around and dust that I didn't see a month ago slaps me in the face.
Something about autumn signals a new beginning for me. May be its inspired by a need to get organized before the holidays. Sometimes I wonder if its instilled from the years of getting ready for the new school year.
Ultimately it doesn't matter why it happens - it happens and I enjoy it.

Now I think to myself why not stop and take stock of my life not just my closets.
Perhaps its time to see what is going well, what isn't, what needs to be removed or changed.
Essentially take a personal inventory to improve your clarity with regard to your life. This will help define the areas that are most important to you and should help you to develop a plan for attaining the life you wish!

Over the next few entries we'll look at the process of taking a personal inventory!
Stay tuned

What prevents you from achieving?

2006-10-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

Have you identified what prevents you from achieving your goals, large or small?
Who or what is to blame?
Ultimately it all comes down to us but many of our lives are hectic and scattered to a point where we are glad to just get through another day.
This can make achieving goals next to impossible - but it can be done.

Lets look specifically at fitness goals.
These days more people than not have fitness goals but it appears that few are achieving them.

Why?
Common answers I hear are I'm too busy, its too much effort, I don't like to exercise alone, I don't like going to gyms

Motivation, organization, and prioritization are all factors in the above responses. All of these are areas that a coach can help.
Certainly attaining fitness goals can be a laborious, tedious process but not with the right mindset.
So if you are struggling set aside 30 minutes and have a think about what is getting in your way - better yet contact Carolina Life Coaching and let us help you to achieve your fitness goals!

How does coaching work?

2006-09-29T09:58:00.000-05:00

Most Life & Performance coaching takes place over the phone and via email. Sounds crazy to some I know. I thought as much when I began my training in coaching - how could removing non-verbal communication makes things better? Coming from a background as a counselor this seemed in stark contrast to my training but having practiced coaching for 6 years now I can assure you that it is highly effective.

Performance coaching is more likely to have face to face sessions especially with individuals who are using the coaching in athletic endeavors. I often am on the golf course with golf clients for at least one of their monthly sessions.

I do offer face to face sessions for all local clients with the most effective instances being when the client & I walk the session. Several new studies are reaffirming what many psychology pioneers put forth originally and that is walking or activity based sessions can be more effective than the office chat.

Clients are encouraged to commit to monthly coaching (vs individual sessions) and to understand that 3 months is recommended as the minimum time frame.

Some clients can achieve their goal(s) in less than 3 months but that is not common. The first month I find is a process of getting to know each other, defining, organizing, and structuring. In the second month we really start getting into the process and taking steps towards our goal - usually we also start to discover what resistance there is to our change.
By the third month it always seems that we are now fully engaged in the coaching process and getting results, re-evaluating, setting new targets etc.

Monthly coaching includes 3, 45-50 minute sessions and unlimited email support. The sessions are at the same time each week, once a client starts moving the sessions around you can be guaranteed that they are disengaging in the process.

The most important aspect of coaching is the fact that it starts where you are now - in coaching we do not look back - and moves forward to where you want to be.

I hope that this has given you some insight into how coaching works and you might be starting to see some applications for it in your life.

Email me today to request an exploratory session
or contact me via my website here

Performance Coaching or Life Coaching??

2006-09-26T10:57:00.000-05:00

As Carolina Life Coaching grows one thing that keeps coming up is how do life coaching and performance coaching differ?
Whereas the process is often very similar the topics and follow-up is usually quite different.
So lets take a look...........

Life Coaching is focused on helping you to achieve the life you want. This may mean a change of job (one of the most common), getting more from your job, or advancing your career or other job related issues.

It can help you to tackle that onerous task you keep putting off. You know that storage space that has accumulated 40 years of stuff and is such a big job you avoid!

Or provide the motivation and focus to get you enrolled on that course you want to do and succeed once enrolled.

It can help build and/or fix relationships.

Or just help you to find your way.

Life coaching can help you define your priorities, unearth your goals and desires and put you on track to achieving them!

Performance coaching generally has a slightly different tack. Performance coaching targets a clearly defined area or specific task with a direct focus on moving forward, improving performance, and getting better results. Most of the time performance coaching is utilized in the business field with management or in athletic or physical endeavors.

If I am an employee wanting an advancement within my organization I would hire a life coach.
If I am a company wanting more from my employees I would hire a performance coach to teach my managers to get more out of their staff.

Make sense?

What both have in common is that they both start wherever you are now and move forward.
Neither type of coaching looks backwards - that's therapy.

So if you know what it is you want to change or may be just know you want something different a coach can help

Contact Carolina Life Coaching and get started today!!

How's your life going?

2006-09-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

Seriously how is your life moving along?
Do you feel like you are just going with the flow?
Are you in some control over 'the flow'?
What's the best part of your life?
What's the worst?
Did you find yourself wishing it had turned out differently?

Personally life seems to be on warp speed. The days just whiz by and when I stop and think, "what have I done today?" the answer doesn't always match how I'm feeling. I might think back and say not much, yet I feel like I've been busy.
I step back and think this is all part of aging. I remember back in college when in one class they said that time is one of the last dimensions that we accurately experience. For most it was between the ages of 45 & 60 that we experienced it at the true rate of passage.
What I will say now is wooo time is moving fast!
Can you remember how far away Christmas was or your birthday when you were a kid? Time couldn't move slower.
Now it seems that birthdays are constantly just around the corner.

Before I get too caught up in time moving crazy fast I want to bring us back to:
How is your life going?

My hope is that your answer - GREAT!

If it isn't why not?

What are you doing to make it better?

if you want some help shoot me an email and let's talk

I'm confident I can help you to maximize your life experience!

celebrating a life

2006-09-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

I went to a funeral this week for a friend's dad. It wasn't unexpected but that doesn't lessen the loss for the family.
At the funeral service, which they termed a celebration of life, it was mentioned that the deceased enjoyed quietly helping people out when they needed it the most and without letting them know who had done it. The deceased practiced random acts of kindness.
The gentleman who passed away was a shrewd salesman and had distinct expectations. Some might have found his style gruff at times. But you could see that from the mere numbers in attendence that he was loved by many and many had benefited from his random acts of kindness.

He left a tremendous legacy behind and thus the celebration of life.

Another theme in the speech was about love. Specifically unconditional love. We all need unconditional love but so often we don't give or receive love unconditionally. The pastor stated that conditional love was not love at all. I'd say that is a truism

So in keeping brief

once again

PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

and

LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY,
love with conditions isn't love

Random Acts of Kindness

2006-08-29T12:01:00.000-05:00

Where has August gone?

been away too long and I know some of you have checked back in several times to find the same old post - SORRY!

I've been hard at work revamping the main Carolina Life Coaching website and assorted other evil tasks.

Bear with me I will be back

For now -
take this with you

I am sure you have seen it before - But I'll put it out for you again

"Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty"

Have you ever received a random act of kindness? Don't you feel just wonderful, makes your day or afternoon or what have you doesn't it?

Have you ever practiced random acts of kindness? I have and its amazing how a SIMPLE gesture can bring so much pleasure to someone.

Perhaps a simple gift of putting a little more money in the parking meter as you are leaving so the next person pulls up and has 'free time'

Or leaving a sleeve of new golf balls on the first tee

In "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" (a great read) by Richard Carlson he mentions someone that paid the toll for the car behind them when paying theirs. Imagine how happy you'd be if you pulled into the toll booth and the toll collector said, "It's already paid"

Hopefully you can think of some original simple acts of kindness and throw a little kindness around

The world could certainly use it!!

facing an emotional test

2006-08-12T11:12:00.000-05:00

I have recently returned from a short journey to pay my last repects to a person who passed away while I was living abroad. She is buried in a town about 250 miles from where I currently live and I have used that distance as an excuse to not go.

This individual was of great importance in my life and a true one of a kind soul who was both friend and mentor for me. She lived a fabulous life that many of us would struggle to imagine. She dealt with the real ugliness of life and the intense beauty. She experienced great wealth, nearly an aristocractic social life, the hardships of WWII (in Germany), extreme lonliness and all the rest.

Throughout it all she remained this fun- loving, generous person who thought only the best of everyone. She never pulled any punches and you always knew exactly where you stood.
She was fantastically worldly, wise and intelligent, yet always made the simplest farmhands feel at home.

I admired her intensely and thought to myself many times over that if I could be like her in her gratiousness and generosity I will have done well in life.

She has been dead for over 3 years now and I still miss her. I would love to be able to have a chat with her when life gets too complicated because it would always be simplified after a chat with her.

As you can see her passing is a tremendous loss to me and I worried how I would handle seeing her grave and seeing her great farm without her laugh eminating from it.

Well it was tougher than I expected ( I'm not very good at visiting gravesites) but I feel a wonderful relief having done it.

I cleared the stone marker and planted some yellow mums as she loved yellow flowers. I think seeing the marker provided closure for me that I was unable to achieve before.

I was also able to go to the farm and even as I headed up the long gravel drive I sensed it wasn't the same place. She had made it special. It was her warmth and welcoming arms that gave the place its aura. I used to turn up the drive and feel the weight of the world release from me. Not this time. It is still a beautiful part of the world but it felt empty to me. Not in a bad way - just like anywhere - not how it was.

Her great spirit was gone from the farm. It will be in me forever, but it is gone from this world.

Going back to the point of this post - when we avoid an emotional experience or test we delay the healing process.
I feel much better for having done what I needed to do a long time ago. I have now made peace with her passing. It doesn't diminish her loss its that I have accepted and acknowledged it now.
So if you are putting off something significant like this - get it done. It'll be much better in the short and long run

Stuck in the past

2006-08-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

Many of us as we experience change and are in the process of adapting to the new way, keep at least one foot in the old way.
In doing this we prevent ourselves from really moving forward and adopting the new way or new place etc.

I'm sure that you know what I mean. Have you ever met someone that was unhappy in their job, changed positions, and then spoke about their old job as though it were a long lost friend. They don't integrate into their new office or socialize with their new colleagues yet they continue to find out what is going on where they used to work.

You will often see this with people that move to a new area. In general our memories of certain things can be distorted to exclude what we didn't like and when this happens the past or old way is clinged to as the standard that the new cannot live up to.

The best way to move forward with both feet is to truly commit to the new way and to take a realistic and pragmatic view of the past or old way.

If your new job is to work out you must ensure that you integrate into the new office and social network. Keep a realisitc view of your old job, itemize the reasons you left it if need be. In a sense remind yourself of the things that made you unhappy in that post and drove you to your new one.

You can make a similar list for almost any change you make, a new relationship (or ending an old one), a new house, new location, etc.

Hopefully seeing an objective list of reasons why you made the change will reinforce your commitment to the new.

It may also help you to determine if the change you made is really a change and whether or not you are slipping into the same patterns.

So make that list if you find yourself struggling to make a change or to let go of the past. Guaranteed it will help!

Change is never easy.......

2006-08-02T18:33:00.000-05:00

"Change is never easy. You lose your habitual behavior, which allowed you to sort of zone out. You have to be here, you have to be now, you have to be present."

This is a statement made by Sally Field the actress. It is a fantastic perspective on change.
Understanding that you must give up a habitual behavior in order to make a change is essential for success.
It is also very difficult to do, for most of us.

Next she highlights that you have to be here, now and present. That reminds me of when I moved to the UK and had to learn to drive there. The signs, road layouts, junction markers, etc. were all new to me.
I described to people that it was like I was a completely new driver all over again despite having driven for over 15 years. I constantly had to be in the here, now, & present. Or I'm sure I would have missed my destination regularly, not known the speed limit, and no doubt crashed.
Whereas driving in the US I could essentially auto-pilot, there I had to be ever alert and 'conscious'.
This was a change that was forced on me but it is the same for any change we take on, by choice or necessity.
We have to constantly be aware of our actions in the moment. You are learning a new behavior and have to be attentive.
Here's an entry in Diet as You Wish that talks about habits.

So if you are looking to make a change or break a habit - decide what it is you are going to do, try to determine what habitual behavior you will need to lose ( these may be the same but they don't have to be) and then commit to be in the moment and very conscious of your behaviors and decision making.

We can all be successful at making changes but it does take work and its certainly not easy.

Is it playtime yet??

2006-07-30T15:57:00.000-05:00

There was an article in the 'Parade' insert of the newspaper today focusing on the role of play in our lives. I can't find the article at this moment but if I recall correctly it stated that 5 & 6 year olds laugh 300 times a day and the average adult manages to laugh 17 times a day.

WOW!!

Have we got it wrong or what?

We all know that life gets more serious as we age (although at a certain point I think most people say its all gravy again!) but surely we can find time to play with our own children and find something to laugh about while doing so.

This article also pointed out that we work 9 more hours a week than we did 20 years ago (that's a full extra day) and that we spend 38 minutes A WEEK playing with our children. Counter that with children averaging 5+ hours A DAY of media time (TV, computer, video game).

WOW.........................again

These were/are remarkable statistics to me.
The article continued on suggesting how we might incorporate play into our lives, especially those of us that have children. It essential that they have time with you, that is non-serious. Its essential that you have time with them that is non-serious.

Moving on from there...........
It strikes me that in society today, we are overly serious, most if not all of the time. Everything has to be just so, vacations are planned down to the last minute, we have plenty of gadgets to demonstrate how important we are, our kids must be in the 'right' school, we must have the correct designer items, etc.

I find it hard to imagine these same mom's and dad's chill out with their kids, take the dog to the lake, or otherwise just have fun.

My recommendation is to clear out a little time for fun this week. Be silly
Laugh Be joyous (even if you can only find some little things they'll be something to by joyous about)

Me? I'm going to have a 1st birthday party for Bugsy. There are 2 little girls that just love him. We go over to their house so their puppy can play with Bugs and I promised them cupcakes and singing. Now that should make me laugh! I might even try and put a party hat on the 94lb beast!

How do you vacation?

2006-07-27T10:23:00.000-05:00

I was at a meeting this morning and the topic of vacations came up. We had a pretty good chat about it and it was easy to see that one person's dream was another's nightmare.
Most interesting to me was someone who had discovered that she couldn't do 2 week holidays, they wound up causing more stress than they could possibly relieve so she has found a way to have many 3 day holidays. Brilliant!

Too bad more of us don't spend the time to figure out what type, length, distance, etc. vacations we take.

So that is my suggestion today.

As we in the northern hemisphere are in the middle of the holiday season, if you have not booked anything, think before you act.

Think about your favorite vacations in the past.
What made them so enjoyable?

Think about your worst experiences
What made them so unenjoyable?

What's the ideal length of a holiday for you?
Can you deal with jet lag or long car journeys?
Do you feel happier with the familiar or going to someplace unknown?
Do you like having everything prebooked or do you prefer to wing it?

These are some questions that should lead you to selecting a holiday that brings you peace & joy and that recharges your batteries.

ENJOY!

Patterns, Security, & Change

2006-07-26T19:17:00.000-05:00

Many years ago someone said to me, "if you keep on doing the same thing, you'll keep on getting the same thing"

Sometimes the same thing can be a good thing. We get into patterns and a comfort zone which offers us security. Certainly as we age, I think we more and more like to stay in this comfort zone and have a set pattern to our day, week, etc.
But what if you're daily routine is leaving you unhappy, unfulfilled, bored, or in worst case scenario's in abusive relationships (or other dangerous situations). Then what?
Often it is when we are most in need of change we are most afraid of change. We already feel unfulfilled, perhaps very alone, and change means stepping into uncharted and unknown waters.
For most of us this is an anxiety inducing challenge at the best of times, intensified many times over when we are already in a bad place.
I have been in situations like this, where I am unhappy with what I am getting but I feel 'unable' to change. Frozen into a pattern that isn't providing the results I desire.

It is then that I hear that voice (in my case it was a wise southern woman) saying, "if you keep on doing the same thing you'll keep on getting the same thing."

So if you want different results, do something different, change it up, say no to something that you normally say yes to even when you don't want to. Be brave.
Trust that you can form a new pattern that will offer you the same sense of security but with better results!

Reinforcement

2006-07-22T14:11:00.000-05:00

In keeping this blog simple and also using lessons learned from my dog-pup today we are going to talk about reinforcement.
My dog, Bugsy, is very easy to train. He learns whatever you want him to learn extremely quickly. In the 7 months that we have had him we have been amazed more than once at how easily he learned his new command or new behavior.

Wouldn't it be great if people you managed could so easily AND willingly follow your instructions!

Back to Bugsy, well due to laziness and also due to the good behavior he has exhibited we became more and more lax with some of the things we had already accomplished.
Not too difficult to see where I'm going here is it?
Sure enough, some of the things we had achieved have been lost. Nothing major like house-training just little things like he's not allowed in the bedrooms or his routine for eating.
So for the last few days we are back to training mode on those things and lo and behold he's back to doing what he is supposed to do.

So with no offense meant to humans this same rigor needs to exist in our dealings with our families, friends and office workers.

If you want your children to remove their shoes when they come in your home you can't just enforce it part time. If you get them to do it only 7 times out of 10 how will they know when it is OK or not OK? Does it get to half of the time and then, "Oh heck I'm tired of asking them. Its too difficult to get them to do it."
A little reinforcement will go a long way. Let them know you appreciate it when they do it right and remind them when they forget.

Translating this to the office is easy. If you want everyone at work for 9 then you need to make sure everyone understands that. At the team meeting make sure you thank them for achieving a good record and although 'things happen' and there will be occasional lateness don't let too much slide.
Perhaps there is a particular procedure at work that needs to be followed. Its human nature to want to cut corners and in the frenetic pace many of us keep in the office it would be very easy to say, "Hey I've got the info I need even if it isn't the way I need it".
Do that once and it will be repeated. Not out of spite, stupidity or other negativity. More likely forgetfulness, busyness, or individuality.
Its the old give an inch and take a mile.

Just remember that it is easily fixed, with a reminder of what you need or expect and a reward for doing it the way you need or expect.
Everyone likes to know what is expected and everyone likes a positive stroke (or treat!) for getting it right!

Acknowledging

2006-07-21T14:28:00.000-05:00

Last year at about this time I headed to New York to spend some time with my cousin who was in the end stages of cancer. It was extremely difficult to see the state she was in and to see the effects on her husband, children, sisters, mother and father, etc.
She finally quit fighting and passed away Labor Day weekend. It was the saddest funeral I have ever attended and I am loathe to admit that I have attended too many.
We grew up together and reconnected when we were both in a time of change 16 yrs ago. It could have been a bad time in both of our lives but since we were both happy-go-lucky and diehard optimists, we both remembered it as a wonderful time. After that we once again went in our own directions but when we saw each other or when we chatted on the phone it was as if we saw each other daily.
You may be wondering why I am writing this today or why I've called this acknowledging.
Well for the past 12 months intense feelings of sadness well in me when I think of her or her immediate family. Her husband is now single father to 4, I speak to my Aunt and you are always aware that she lost her oldest and first child. Its just there.
And it is just there in my heart. There is a certain song that I hear and I cry deeply. There are certain thoughts, usually funny ones, that bring both a smile and a tear. I cannot help it. I find myself trying not to think about it. But she deserves better than that.
So Fran thanks for being such a wonderful part of so many people's lives. You are sorely missed and your fearless battle inspires.
That's my acknowledgement to her
And my acknowledgement to me is accepting the magnitude of the impact her passing has had on me.
We tend to try to put things 'away' that are painful to deal with but in doing so we never get over the hump.
So if there is something you having been avoiding - acknowledge it. Face it head on, that is the first step in the healing process.

Busy times

2006-07-20T08:02:00.000-05:00

Its been a busy time lately - I've started up 2 other blogs (one for dieters and one for golfers), been working on promoting the performance coaching side of what I do, managed to go away for a few days and as always trying to stay on top of all the things that encompass 'adult life'
I don't know about you but when I get real busy I seem to lose track of time. Not the time of day but the days and weeks. It feels like just the other day when I wrote the previous post and quite obviously it wasn't. So how are you?
Me well we are in the peak of summertime in North Carolina, its incredibly hot and all one wants to do is swim, have a BBQ, and laze away the days. In the US most kids grow up having summers off. I did. We had about 8 weeks off. Then after finishing my degrees I was a teacher and once again I had summers off. So its pretty strongly ingrained in me to have summers off. Living in North Carolina only strengthens that belief as everyone seems to go to the beach or mountains for weeks at a time and there are lots of fish frys (a BBQ centered around the fresh caught fish which are cooked in a large fryer outdoors) and a general mood of partying.
The culture has a feel of a 2 month holiday. If you are familiar with the music of Jimmy Buffett (Margaritaville) you know what I mean as he provides the theme music.

In some ways this must sound great. Everyone chilled out and not too worried about accomplishing more than having a good time.
Its great if you don't have to do anything but it makes it even harder to focus on work and goals and achievement.

The crickets are calling you to the rocking chair on the porch and you're trying to write that report that is due yesterday.
Its not easy
How do you do it??

2006-07-06T10:13:00.000-05:00

2011

so where will you be in 2011?

what will you be doing?

what will your circumstances be?

It can be very difficult to 'imagine' where one will be 5 years from now. For some of us it feels a bit like a crapshoot. Who knows? You might say.

However each of us has a great ability to shape our lives and our futures. We cannot predict some of life's circumstances but we can have a plan and an over-arching goal. For the more organized of us, that over-arching goal is supported by various smaller steps.

If you really have difficulty imagining where you will be in 5 years think back 5 years to 2001 and think about where you were then and where you are now.
Is it what you expected?
Did you guide the process?
Or did you feel like you have just reacted and gone along with the waves?

You have a fantastic ability and opportunity to shape your life - for today for tomorrow and for 5 (or many) years from now!

Good luck

2006-06-25T19:20:00.000-05:00

"Life Is Good"

Something that many of struggle with is complete relaxation and allowing ourselves complete happiness if even for a moment.

Thoughts, obligations, concerns etc. seem to kick in spoiling our enjoyment. Its clearly related to not living in the moment, you know instead of enjoying where we are now we start thinking of where we should be or where we were or who wants what etc.

Not Bugs and not dogs in general. My buddy lays on his back, chest up, feet in the air, back legs splayed, front paws curled, and through gravity his ears are straight up. Usually he has his 'chew' in his mouth when he adopts this postition but one thing is clear - man oh man is he happy.

He is completely relaxed and completely content
Completely in the moment

Try it - I'm sure you'll like it

2006-06-16T18:20:00.000-05:00

Focus

Just been out in the yard tending to the garden and Bugs was watching and wandering. And then he got 'the look' .
What is 'the look'?
Well its easier to say when he has it then to describe it but I'll try

'the look' - he becomes extremely still, muscles poised, body is tall , ears are perked, right leg comes up and his tail is stretched. What is the most noticeable is the intense quietness and the stare.

Many things can garner 'the look' - rabbits, squirrels, birds, leaves, a toy, a chew, you name it.

The power is in the intensity and the focus. Once he adopts the look there is nothing else in his world.

You can whistle him, call him, pull on his leash, tap him, push him etc.
You will not break his focus.

I've stood in front of him and turned his head toward mine. His eyes will look past me to his target.

It is extraordinary.

Can you imagine being able to concentrate so fully?
There are no distractions.
Nothing can penetrate your vision and intent.

Imagine what you are capable of with such singularity
and intensity of focus.
The ultimate results.

(As for earlier and the stare - he saw a baby rabbit that dared to get within 10 feet of him - and no worries the bunny is safe and sound. )